Following on from my post about the top 10 ways to murder your ex-wife, I thought it only fair and prudent to post a similar guide to murdering your mother-in-law. Let’s face it, if your mother-in-law is anything like mine was, you’ll be doing the World a favour, and after all,  your mother-in-law is just an older, more evil version of your ex-wife anyway. She deserves it.

So, without any delay, here are my top 10 ways to murder your mother-in-law.

1. Tie her down, cover her in jam and let a colony of flesh eating ants strip her to the bone
2. Beat her to death using her own cat as a club, wielding the little git by the tale
3. Poison her by forcing her to eat her own daughter’s cooking
4. Steak her through the heart with a wooden chair leg, only way to be sure
5. Shoot her in the face
6. After carefully selecting the correct iron and stance for the shot, rasp her round the head with a gold club
7. Cut her limbs off and keep her in a box for your amusement
8. Take her out to the Vegas desert with some mates and beat her to death with baseball bats, Joe Pesci style
9. Blast her into space (it worked for Ming the Merciless)
10. Drill a hole in her coffin so the sunlight pokes in and torches the bitch while she’s sleeping

There you go, all helpful suggestions on dealing with the mother-in-law. Let me know which is your favourite.

Clive Bellmore