We all make mistakes (though some never admit it) and making mistakes when you’re particularly stressed is more common. Therefore during a divorce, when you’re at your most stressed, mistakes are easy to make. The trouble is that getting things wrong during a divorce will cost you dearly, both financially and with future happiness.

So, here are the ten biggest mistakes men make during divorce. Try to avoid these if you can.

1. Arguing over access to children
Seeing your children regularly is important, both for you and for them. If you don’t see them you’ll both suffer. Sometimes the woman can use them as pawns to get back at you, or leverage more money out of you. Try not to fight tit-for-tat on these matters. Your children are the most important thing, always keep that in mind.

2. Don’t bring another woman into the mix
The temptation to show off a new woman might be a big one, but for obvious reasons you should avoid this. If you start playing one-upmanship now, you’ll lose in the long run. Keep any new relationships quiet and don’t mention them as a means for revenge.

3. Don’t let her convince you that you don’t need a lawyer
You always need a divorce lawyer, without one she could tie you up in knots and leave you financially broke.

4. Avoid constant verbal abuse and battles
Arguing is unavoidable, it’s probably what led to divorce in the first place, but you should avoid abusing each other as it doesn’t lead to any constructive conclusion. Especially avoid doing that in front of the children, as they’ll be the most affected by it.

5. Don’t pick on your ex’s flaws
When arguing it’s easy to point out the many flaws you find with your ex, but this won’t help you reach any sort of settlement. By doing this you’ll alienate her from you and force her to be as stubborn as she can be. No matter how tempting, bite your tongue.

6. Avoid a confrontational divorce lawyer
While it may be in your nature to fight, fighting over every little detail will end up costing you more than it’s worth. Don’t choose a divorce lawyer who wants to battle every little detail, it’s not worth the hassle, literally.

7. Don’t let her walk all over you
Just as fighting every detail isn’t worth it, letting her have everything her own way doesn’t make sense either. Some men just let their ex’s have their own way because they’re too saddened and upset to fight back.

8. Don’t argue over property
When you’ve amassed a collection of furniture or other possessions that mean a lot to you, it can be difficult to agree on who gets what in the divorce. If the cost of arguing over these items in court is more expensive than the items are worth then you shouldn’t waste your time and money doing so. It’s a false economy spending thousands in legal fees arguing over property that doesn’t cost as much as the cost of the argument.

9. Don’t embarrass your ex by serving them with divorce papers in public
You may want to make a big thing of your divorce and make it as public as possible to show your derision for her, avoid this temptation. It will merely serve to kick off the divorce process in an especially bad tone, one that will cost you more as time goes on.

10. Don’t let anger be your first response
Divorce is usually greeted with emotions such as surprise, shock and anger. If you allow anger to be your first response you’ll merely serve to illicit the same response back from your ex, which will make matters worse. Take time to calm down and consider your response carefully, starting a war isn’t going to help either of you.

Clive Bellmore