Divorce for some is an horrible thing, a torment filled experience best avoided. For others however, it’s a release. A way out of a loveless marriage.

Of course filing for divorce is time consuming and expensive, so it’s often better to get your wife to divorce you. But how? Below are some helpful tips guaranteed to get your wife to file for divorce, and if she doesn’t, she’s definitely not the sort of woman you want to divorce.

1. Get her sister pregnant, women tend to frown on this sort of thing
2. Get her mother pregnant, if the sister didn’t do the trick having a half brother by her husband will mess her up for good
3. Make a bonfire out of her clothes while slow roasting your wedding photos
4. Pick an affectionate name for her, along the lines of ‘fat slug’ and refer to her with that name every day
5. Video yourself having sex with her and make a website out of it, charging others to view it, turning her into an internet porn star before proudly showing her your work
6. Run her father over in your car, reversing back over his lifeless body just to make sure you nailed him
7. Work hard all day to provide money for her and her activities, while supporting her in everything she does (doesn’t sound like it would lead to divorce, but believe me it f***ing well does!)

Clive Bellmore