It’s been on the cards for months now and finally it’s out in the open; Madonna and her 1 trick pony filmmaking husband, Guy Ritchie, are heading for the divorce courts. Furthermore, it’s going to be a very public and messy divorce as the two are making constant jibes about each other in public, and have massive personal fortunes to fight over.

Well, Guy Ritchie’s personal fortune is big (after films like Snatch and Lock Stock) but Madonna’s is huge. She’s been at the top of the charts for over 20 years, constantly reinventing herself. She’s loaded, and her divorce is going to cost her more than it’ll cost him (which is a rare thing in the UK divorce courts).

To signal their intent for a good public dust-up they’ve hired two of the best known and most cutthroat divorce lawyer gunslingers in the business. Madge has teamed up with Fiona Shackleton, the blood sucking vampire who represented Sir Paul McCartney in his split from the evil Heather Mills. Meanwhile, Guy Ritchie has hired Helen Ward, the woman who secured £48 million for Beverley Charman when she divorced her husband John in 2006.

It’s all shaping up for a very messy tussle.

Clive Bellmore