One of the stereotypes of the divorcee is that they live in their own squalor, unable to pick up a simple cup unless it’s managed to cultivate enough mould to grow a small eco system, and generally leaving the washing up until every available receptacle capable of holding drink is covered in filth. It’s a sweeping generalisation perhaps, but one that is sadly fairly accurate.

I currently live with a guy I went to Uni with, and our bachelor pad is spotless… OK, that’s nonsense, it’s a mess, but who cares?

Well we do funnily enough, we just don’t seem to have the get up and go to clean it up regularly. Of course the answer is obvious, we could get a cleaner. Now, do we really want a cleaner turning up and going through our collection of exotic reading material and imported DVDs? Probably not, and we really should be cleaning ourselves. However, I do remember a former colleague of mine who lives in London regularly hires cleaners to clear up his mess, as he’s a divorcee too. He hires cleaners to clean the rooms, clean the windows and the carpets once a week. Is he lazy? This is the funny part, whenever the cleaner is due to come round he cleans up the house himself first because he doesn’t want the cleaner seeing what a mess his house is in!

What’s the point in that? Cleaning so the cleaner doesn’t come in to a mess! If I’m hiring carpet cleaners in London I’ll be damned if I’m going to Hoover the house first. Yet somehow it’s quite common to do that. It’s a British thing; we’re so stubbornly proud that we don’t want others thinking less of us, hiring a cleaner actually makes us do it ourselves beforehand.

I think I’ll stick without one then.

Clive Bellmore