In an incredible display of arrogance, self importance and generally knobery, David ‘The Hoff’ Hasselhoff has insisted on keeping ownership rights to the name ‘The Hoff’ as part of his divorce from Pamela Bach.

Good to see the Hoff has kept a grip on what’s important in his life. He’s also holding onto ownership of the phrase ‘Don’t Hassle the Hoff’… why? For some reason too he’s keeping ownership of the name ‘Malibu Dave’. Who has ever called him that?

In more trivial matters he and his wife will be sharing custody of their two daughters and he’ll pay $21,000 per month in spousal support.

He’s also keeping hold of some of the worst tat you could possibly imagine, as items named in his divorce settlement include: a dolphin, a green elephant, an African pipe, an ivory tusk, an elephant foot and two elephant stools from the “African room”, a themed room in the couple’s Encino home.

What a load of crap!

Don’t worry, he’s keeping hold of some valuable items too, such his collection of Ted Williams memorabilia and an antique barber chair.

If you think that all sounds bad and makes the Hoff out to be a tasteless collector of useless junk, it gets better. His oh so lucky soon to be ex-wife gets, amidst her prized assets, a photograph of Michael Jackson. Why would you name that on a divorce settlement?

I wonder sometimes if celebrities know what on earth is going on in the world.

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Naturally Africa

Clive Bellmore