Archive for March, 2009

If you’ve just separated from your wife and you have children, the chances are that Cafcas will be involved at some point. Cafcass are a body setup to ‘put children first’ and to ensure that the children are taken care of with regards to access for parents. They’ll arrange an interview with the non resident parent whenever contact is contested. The purpose of the interview is so that Cafcass can assess the suitability of the non resident parent, usually the father, to decide whether he should be allowed access to his children. They then advise the courts accordingly.

The problem is that Cafcass are a body made up largely of women, and whatever the father tells them or demonstrates to them, they will at the end of the day make their decision based on their own opinions, and what they’re told from the mother.

I found with my dealings with Cafcass that anything I told them was treated with suspicion and mistrust, and anything my ex-wife told them was treated as fact. They lied about what they said they would report and didn’t put the children’s wellbeing first, they put the mother’s interests and wants first.

All that said, when you are interviewed by Cafcass all you can do is to be as calm and straight forward as you can. Don’t get angry, don’t raise your voice and be polite. Whether they make up what was said or done in the interview is something you can’t control, but don’t give them any ammunition at all.

If you don’t agree with what Cafcass say in their report, you can challenge it and put the Cafcass social worker on the stand. This will of course cost you plenty, so be prepared for that. I’d also suggest you always have a witness present for each meeting with them, preferably a woman; either your mother or your sister if they can, failing that a close friend. Someone you can trust is essential.

Good luck in dealing with Cafcass and let us know here how it turns out.

Clive Bellmore

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With the current financial climate the way it is, postponing your divorce until you can afford it seems like a good idea. Many couples are having to put off their divorce and stay together because they simply can’t afford to split up, with the housing market being so depressed.

However new research shows that by staying together, couples who want to divorce are actually increasing their stress levels rather than living amicably.

Divorce financial expert Karen Stewart, she says that by staying together when a relationship is over couples are putting themselves through high levels of stress and anger.

As people stay in relationships that in their own minds have ended. I find that stress and anger escalate. It’s better to nip it in the bud and be prudent.

Think about whether your health will suffer before you decide to stay with your partner instead of divorcing them.

Clive Bellmore

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Actress Reese Witherspoon has spoken out over her divorce from fellow actor Ryan Philippe and described the divorce as being:

Very humiliating and very isolating.

The couple had been married for seven years, and have two children together. They divorced in 2006, and have both met other people since. Reese is now with ‘Broke Back Mountain’ star Jake Gyllenhaal.

Reese revealed her distress about her divorce in next month’s issue of Elle.

When people get in your face and say, ‘This will pass,’ you think: Are they crazy?

I’m never gonna feel any better than I feel right this minute and nothing’s ever gonna make sense again. And I still have moments where I’m like, ‘Nothing’s ever gonna make sense again.’

[But]If it’s not painful, maybe it wasn’t the right decision to marry to begin with. Those are the appropriate emotions.

Clive Bellmore

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Far be it for the government to help families stay together, instead they’ve done the exact opposite. They’ve been rewarding mothers for divorcing their husbands, according to research from Professor Marco Francesconi. He claims that the money the government have dished out in Tax Credits to single mothers makes them financially better off than when they were married, resulting in an increase in the divorce rate among the poorer classes in the UK.

Add to this the fact that the CSA reward parents with care for not allowing access to their children for the non resident parent, and you’re left with a society that tells the mother: divorce your husband and forbid him to see your kids, and you’ll get more money.

Prof Francesconi claims that Gordon Brown’s flagship policy, the Tax Credits scheme, has had the unintentional knock on effect of causes more families to break up.

Well done Gordon!

Clive Bellmore

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Everyone loves a good party, and any old excuse for a shin-dig is usually good enough to get the drinks out, the music on and start drinking like you’re a teenager again. However, most people only tend to celebrate what they perceive to be ‘happy’ occasions, like birthdays, anniversaries and, dare I say it, weddings and engagements.

Isn’t a divorce just as much fun and cause for celebration as a wedding, if not more so? A wedding signifies the end of freedom, whereas a divorce marks someone being released from a custodial sentence. It’s becoming more common now to throw parties to celebrate divorce, in much the same way as people have parties to celebrate being released from prison. You can even by divorce party products such as a divorce cake, which is a wedding cake, but with a humorous twist.

Divorce isn’t a sad time, a time for reflection or a time for self pity. It’s a time to kick back and celebrate the fact that you’ve survived something that clearly wasn’t meant to be while you were young enough to do something about it.

If you’re getting divorce, or have just got divorced, have a divorce party to celebrate, and show your friends just how excited you are to be rid.

Clive Bellmore

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