Archive for December, 2008

As 2008 draws to a close the newly divorced man needs to take stock and plan out his future so that he doesn’t make the same mistakes again in 2009, and takes control of his life. So, here are a few New Year’s resolutions that you might consider adopting for the coming year.

Don’t get married in 2009
Bloody obvious really. You’re not Ross Gellar, you don’t have to get married every year just to make the year complete and you’re not collecting divorces like they were records. Don’t get married!

Don’t murder your ex-wife
Not so obvious this one! However, killing your ex-wife isn’t the best way to start the year (or end the year) so you should avoid murdering her, no matter how tempting. If you find yoursel meddling with the breaks on her car, or slashing her tyres, just think about it for second… is this going to end well?

Don’t have a midlife crisis unless you’re middle aged
This last one is common sense. Just because you’re now single doesn’t mean you need to buy a convertible, get yourself a twenty-year-old girlfriend and join the gym. Just try to keep things how they are now, without doing anything too drastic.

Clive Bellmore

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Despite the credit crunch meaning high street retailers have had one of the worst Christmases for years, the sales have still seen people flocking to them in their thousands, buying all manner of crap that they really don’t need.

Next for example was wiped out by hungry bargain hunters in the first few hours of the 27th, so much so that most of the sale items had gone before 8am. Not all sales are because of retailers trying to recoup the money they didn’t make before Christmas though, some are for other, more desperate reasons.

This comical sale image for example shows a sale that was inspired by a divorce, and the need to make some money back for the poor guy who lost practically everything in his split from his wife.

Poor chap!

Clive Bellmore

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It’s Christmas, and in this festive time it’s nice to hear of festive divorce stories. One such story involved a man who dressed as Santa and murdered several people at his ex-wife’s parents’ house.

They were having a Christmas Eve party, and he gatecrashed in a Santa outfit and proceeded to shoot the guests.

Bruce Pardo was unhappy at the way his divorce was settled with his wife, who he had been married to for under a year. He entered her parents’ house and started shooting people, before setting fire to the house. There were approximately eight deaths, including his ex-wife and her parents.

Pardo then shot himself after he had driven to his brother’s house.

Clive Bellmore

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There are many reasons for divorce, adultery, abuse, financial reasons… what you wear isn’t generally considered one of the usual ones, but it certainly can cause major arguments among couples that lead to divorce.

For example, many husbands don’t like what their wives go out wearing when they’re not with them, especially when it shows too much flesh, such as leg or cleavage. This causes heated arguments, which often leads to the wife leaving wearing whatever she wants just to spite her husband, even if that means she’s wearing one of her most revealing black dresses that she might save only for going out with her husband.

It’s all about jealousy, and the husband needs to trust his wife and not get too worried about what she wears.

The same can be said for the wife though, as many arguments ensue over what the man wears when the woman doesn’t like it. This isn’t usually because something is considered revealing, more often this is because the woman doesn’t like what her husband has chosen to wear as he hasn’t made an effort for her or a special occasion.

What you wear is important, both for you and your spouse, but you should always take your partner’s feelings into consideration.

Clive Bellmore

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An 8 year old girl has been denied a divorce from her 58 year old husband by a Saudi court. The court has ruled that the girl is unable to divorce her husband until she’s reached puberty.

Surely that’s backwards??? It should be that she can’t marry him until she reaches puberty, not the other way round!!!

The girl’s mother filed for divorce on her behalf in August after the father and his friend, the groom, arranged the marriage between them. Their lawyer, Abdullah Jtili, stated

The judge has dismissed the plea because she [the mother] does not have the right to file, and ordered that the plea should be filed by the girl herself when she reaches puberty.

Incredibly the girl doesn’t even know that she’s married, and case is very complicated under sharia law.

Clarisa Bencomo is from Human Rights Watch, and she says that even when the girl reaches puberty she may not be able to appeal for divorce as many judges won’t even allow a woman to speak to them directly, without going through a man.

Clive Bellmore

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In the current financial climate above all others, money and financial matters are proving to be one of the biggest causes of divorce. As couples struggle to come to terms with rising costs, increased redundancy and unemployment, and the very real risk of negative equity meaning they can’t get a remortgage. This makes life very difficult to live, and causes arguments between couples about what they can afford, and what they can’t.

Sometimes couples try to work things out and set a budget, so that they know exactly how much they have to spend. This means cutting back on luxuries, such as takeaways, DVDs, holidays and treats. It also means reducing outgoings on essentials, such as buying shop brands on groceries and tinned products (like buying Asda Smart Price instead of Heinz) and using discount vouchers cut from magazines.

Ultimately all of the scrimping and saving only goes too far, and costs such as alcohol, cigarettes or things that one partner in the relationship claims they can’t live without can scupper any attempt to work through the problems.

This in turn leads to further arguments, and divorce.

It’s a sad state of affairs when the financial climate causes divorce rates to rise, especially when divorce is so common already, but that seems to be the way society is heading.

Clive Bellmore

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When you get divorced (as most of us who get married eventually do) it’s important to try to stay as civil as possible so that you stay in regular contact with your kids. Just because your relationship has broken down, it doesn’t mean that your relationship with your children should also break down. For example, if it’s possible, you should try to keep a sense of normality to their lives and routine by taking them school, picking them up and attending any event that they may want you to, such as parties and sports days.

Children need both parents to give them a sense of balance, and depriving them of that balance isn’t good for their development. Of course, it can be difficult attending children’s events with your ex-partner or her parents, but try to remember how happy you were at events while you were together, such as your child’s first birthday party or the baby shower, and hold onto that feeling while you’re there.

Remember that your children need you as much as you need them, and don’t let any personal feelings or disputes get in the way of your being there for them.

It can be difficult, but you’ll need to do it for the sake of your children, and for your own sake in the long run.

Clive Bellmore

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Divorce involving children is always very difficult, especially when they’re quite young. They don’t understand why their parents no longer want to love together and can sometimes blame themselves for the break-up. It’s important to make it clear to your children that they’re not responsible for any relationship breakdown and that both parents still love them.

Equally, supporting your children financially is important too. If the parent with care (PWC), usually the mother, is receiving benefits then the C.S.A. will get involved and demand money from the non resident parent (NRP). However don’t think that all of this money will go towards the children, because it won’t. The job of the C.S.A. isn’t to ensure that money gets to your children, it’s to collect debts on behalf of the government to make up for the benefit they’re paying the mother. Much of that money goes to the government, not your children or their mother.

Therefore you should need to ensure that your children are supported financially, as bringing up children can be very expensive. When they’re of a school age it can be even tougher as their school accessories and uniforms can run into hundreds of pounds per school year. For example, many schools insist on having branded personalised clothes with their school’s name on them, making them more expensive that regular clothes of the same type and colour.

This means a jumper that should cost £5 normally can cost several times that amount. With the C.S.A. keeping most of the money they take from you, you should help out with these costs if at all possible.

Clive Bellmore

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Mr va va voom himself, Thierry Henry, is considerably poorer today after agreeing to pay his ex-wife £8 million in their divorce settlement. The former Gunner, now at Barcelona, has come to an agreement with his ex-wife Claire Merry in an out of court settlement. They’d failed to reach any agreement in court (which seems a strange way of doing it).

His ex-wife wanted to be paid based on the footballer’s future earnings, as well as his current worth, which considering his endorsements in France and throughout Europe, could have been a huge sum of money.

Henry argued that he’d been playing at the highest level before they met, meaning she shouldn’t take any credit for his success.

The couple divorced in 2007 for the old ‘unreasonable behaviour’ excuse after a four year marriage.

In her defence, Thierry had been sending dirty texts to another woman. Hey, he is French! She had wanted £10 million from the footballer as his personal fortune is believed to be around the £25 million mark.

Clive Bellmore

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Kevin Federline, the only celebrity male to go through a divorce and be universally hated by everyone, is still complaining about the way his ex-wife, Britney Spears, went about it.

Britney meanwhile couldn’t care less about her ex, as she was seen partying this week after her X-Factor performance last weekend. Britney turned 27 this week.

Kevin tried to overshadow Britney’s comeback (how many as this been now?) by being interviewed in a magazine claiming that he didn’t want a divorce.

I was trying to work stuff out with her. She didn’t talk to me…and went behind my back and filed for divorce.

Britney’s latest comeback comes after her year from hell, where she was twice sectioned. Britney stated in an interview:

This whole year has been a hell of a year for me.

In five years I’d like to be married and have a father figure for my kids – someone who’s a provider and can be stable. It’s hard doing it on your own.

Clive Bellmore

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