Archive for July, 2008

There are some stories that you say ‘you just couldn’t make it up’, and this definitely fits into that category. A Russian man, embarrassingly named as Grigory Toporov, a 47 year old man, is facing divorce from his wife after his penis extension broke off during a wild sex session with his wife.

Ouch.

He had the extension after his wanton wife told him he didn’t ‘measure up’ to her expectations. However when he had the extension done, it snapped off during sex.

Toporov explained:

I told her I would get a new one but she wasn’t having any of it. She said she was fed up with my failures in bed and wants a divorce.

Now I’m wondering did the extension snap off inside her, or did it fall off and get lost somewhere in the bed? If it did ‘come off’ inside her, did he then have to try and retrieve it?

There’s probably a genre in adult films there somewhere.

Clive Bellmore

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Adam Rivers from Trentham recently divorced his wife Gemma after she spent more than 8 hours a day on the Internet, using Internet bingo websites. He claimed she’d neglected him and she spent every free hour she had in the spare room of their three bedroom house playing bingo.

The fact that she actually won more than she lost didn’t seem to matter either.

Adam and Gemma were married for 3 years, and their marriage survived several affairs on his part, but could not survive her interest in online bingo.

Adam stated:

I know I’ve played around a bit but she’s always been OK with that, it’s her I go back to at the end of the day. What I don’t like is when she’s not there. I come home from the pub and she’s playing bingo. She should be waiting for me.

Hmm, I wonder why Gemma lost interest in Adam; he seems like such a nice lad.

Clive Bellmore

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Wondering how to get rid of your wife? This chap had the right idea, offload her on eBay and sell her as though she were a second hand car. According to the messages left she has a high running cost and he doesn’t recommend some guy swaps his second hand car for her.

I’d have put mine on eBay but the postage costs would have been huge, plus the mileage was too high to get a decent price.

I hope he managed to sell her in the end. I wonder what his returns policy was if she didn’t arrive exactly as described?

Clive Bellmore

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An American man from Jefferson County was stabbed in the back with a kitchen knife when he told his wife he wanted a divorce. He said their sex life was non existent, and when she flew off the handle he accused her of turning into her mother.

She then attacked him with a kitchen knife, plunging it deep into his back. In what must have looked like a scene from Stephen King’s Misery, she then pulled all of the phones out so he couldn’t call for help, and took his mobile from him.

Guess he was right to want a divorce then?

Michael Bautista gave evidence in court against his wife yesterday, who broke down in tears at what her husband had to say.

As a result of her attack, he had lost 20% of his blood when help finally arrived.

Her reaction was like a fuse that had been lit.

I knew she was trying to get me angry. I tried to stay very calm. She kept saying she was going to destroy me professionally and financially. She said I would be sorry. I was amazed.

If you’re planning on telling your wife you want a divorce, make sure there are no sharp objects laying around and that someone knows where you are!

Clive Bellmore

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No, not that Trisha. This Trisha, the woman who trashed her husband on YouTube with a video showing her bad mouthing him and claiming he was ripping her off with an unjust prenuptial agreement.

However a judge has decreed otherwise, and the prenup she signed just before their wedding has been upheld, meaning her millionaire husband can kick her out of their home and pay her what he promised he would do before they were married.

She now has just 30 days to get out of their home, and she’ll receive $750,000 for her trouble. That’s still an awful lot of money, and as she signed the prenup she can’t hardly complain. No doubt she will though.

If you missed the original video where she slags off her husband, here it is!

Clive Bellmore

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Newsok.com has posted an article stating the 5 things you need to have in your divorce settlement. This seems like good advice, as following it could save you an awful lot of money further down the line. Most of the advice is US specific, but still worth thinking about if you’re UK based.

For example, would you have considering making provisions for college for your children? The article advises that you work out who will pay for what with regards to your child’s college education sooner rather than later.

Another one that is relevant to the UK is that when your child comes of age to drive, your can insurance company can add a premium to your insurance to cover the fact that your kids might end up driving it. The article suggests agreeing that the non custodial parent agrees to pay some of that extra cost.

It’s all good advice, and there are some obvious things in there you might not have thought of.

Clive Bellmore

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As opposed to the image I found yesterday, this one I didn’t find quite so amusing. I thought I’d post it anyway, in the sense of fairness.

I really don’t think women need any encouragement to take guys for all they’re worth when they get divorced, but this serves to offering the encouragement anyway.

Equality is one thing, but the UK is currently the most woman friendly country in Europe when it comes to divorce. If a woman wants to divorce her husband, she’s better off doing it here than anywhere else in Europe, she’ll get more cash for her time.

Clive Bellmore

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I found this cartoon particularly funny in the light of the current housing market and the fact that couples are divorcing and losing houses.

I nearly lost my house when I divorced, but was lucky (and bold) enough to hang onto it and buy my ex-wife out. It was a risky decision but I’m certain I made the right one. I’m now letting the house out and can ride out the downturn in property prices without needing to panic and sell up.

In fact, I’m even thinking of buying another house now. It may be a bad time to sell, but there’s some bargains to be had out there if you’re buying, especially if you’re buying from a couple who are getting divorced. They have to sell, and fast!

Clive Bellmore

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It’s an old chauvinist joke that women are only interested in marriage for money, and are just looking to land themselves a rich husband who they can bleed dry. However, the statistics of when women choose to cash i their husbands couldn’t be more telling.

Since the mid 1970’s, men have applied for divorce on a steady level, no really being swayed by financial climates. Women on the other hand, seem to chuck their husbands when the going gets tough. The two highest years for women applying for divorce were 1993 (the last house price crash) and 2003 (when equities were at their lowest).

This year should be a bumper year for divorce too as house prices are falling quicker than a skydiver with no parachute. If you’re a wealthy cityworker with a wife who likes the high life, be warned, she just may be looking to jump ship if your earnings are dipping in the credit crunch.

Clive Bellmore

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Parentline Plus are a charity for parents, and they’re appalled that local authorities aren’t doing enough to help parents who are going through traumatic divorces throughout the UK.

A report titled: “Love your children more than you hate each other: The impact of divorce and separation on families” calls for more help towards parents who are warring with each other during break-ups.

One mother who’s been through divorce told Parentline Plus:

The first two years I spent crying most of the time. It takes a long time to heal and you cannot help but involve the children in the upset.

Parentline Plus used the data from 20,000 calls they’d received between October last year and March this year, with nearly 2,000 of those calls being from parents asking about divorce. More than that number again asked about the impact of divorce upon children, and the behaviour of children caused by the divorce.

Parentline’s Suzie Hayman stated:

There is a real risk that lone mothers and their children could end up with serious financial problems.

It was really clear from our data that parents did not want or mean to cause harm to their children, but that their own emotional state interfered with their ability to do their best for the children.

Parentline seem genuinely interested in how divorce affects children and parents alike. It’s a shame that other government funded bodies, such as CAFCAS or the Child Support Agency, weren’t as caring as they are.

Clive Bellmore

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