Archive for May, 2008

As divorce becomes increasingly more common in the UK, and indeed all over the world, it’s only fair that we look at the ways being divorced is better than being married. Let’s face it, anyone who has gotten divorced feels a lot better for it, if not a lot poorer.

So, here are five ways being divorced is better than being married.

1. More sex. Getting married is a sure fire way to kill off your sex life, period. When you’re divorced you’re free to pursue other avenues of interest.
2. You can leave the toilet seat up.
3. You can piss on the aforementioned toilet seat without fear of recriminations.
4. It’s cheaper. Yes, admittedly the act of getting divorced will cost you plenty, but once you are free of the evil in your life you’ll no longer be forking out for shoes, handbags, magazines, holidays in the sun and other non essentials, leaving you more money for beer and takeaway curry.
5. Your car is finally safe from crashes… depending on your own personal driving style of course .

Clive Bellmore

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As we mentioned previously, pint sized giant ego Gary Coleman was to appear on Divorce Court to get divorced from his young wife. Now, thanks to the wonders of YouTube you can watch the drama unfold from the relative safety of your computer screen, even if you’ve never seen, or heard of, the TV show ‘Divorce Court’.

There’s something satisfying about watching a guy that looks like a child going through a divorce in court. I really should feel sorry for Gary Coleman, but I just can’t muster up a shred of sympathy.

I guess it’s something to do with the fact that he chose to make his divorce and marriage problems public on national television, whereas the rest of us try to keep them private. I have no sympathy Gary, different strokes for different folks I guess.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4BgrG4SB3Kw]

Clive Bellmore

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You may have seen in the news on Tuesday that a barrister was involved in a 5 hour police shoot out in London, before police marksmen shot him 5 times, killing him. Mark Saunders was the Billy the Kid wannabe, and as luck would have it he was a divorce lawyer specialist.

Mark lived in a £2.2 million London flat, paid for no doubt with the money from bickering couples, and it was in his luxury home that he decided to take on the entire London police force.

Lynda Morris, the coroner’s officer, said:

The multiple gunshot wounds present are associated with severe internal damage to the brain, the heart, the liver and the main vein of the lower body.

When the armed police approached Mark began firing at his neighbours in Markham Square, one of the wealthy areas of London’s Chelsea district.

Mark was shot in the head, the heart and the liver in an exemplary display of police marksmanship.

Lynda Morris went on to say:

The multiple gunshot wounds present are associated with severe internal damage to the brain, the heart, the liver and the main vein of the lower body.

The external and internal gunshot-related damage is consistent with a minimum of five shots having hit the deceased.

The nature of the wound and the projectile material recovered from the body suggests that more than one type of bullet has hit the deceased and further information will become available on this point.

It’s not know yet why this divorce lawyer decided to shoot at his neighbours and the police. Maybe guilt caught up with him?

Clive Bellmore

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We reported a while back that actor/comedian/annoying American Robin Williams was getting divorced from his second wife, Marsha. Robin met her when he was with his first wife and they hired Marsha to be the nanny to their children.

Textbook adultery.

No Robin has spoken out thanking Marsha for a pain free divorce and not turning the whole thing into the media circus that so many divorces (not just celebrity ones) descend into.

Williams made the public aknowledgment towards his soon to be ex-wife on the Ellen DeGeneres talk show on Tuesday.

I’m lucky … with someone like Marsha, and we have amazing kids and it’s not a slash and burn.

I think a lot of times divorce can be like circumcision with a weed whacker.

I don’t want to tempt fate here Robin, but John Cleese made a similar statement about how his wife was being amicable over their divorce, then she demanded £900,000 per year and half his earnings going back to the early nineties.

Chickens Robin, don’t start adding them up yet.

Clive Bellmore

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An Australian man is on trial for shooting his divorce lawyer dead after it is said that his divorce split didn’t go so well, causing him to lose his house and have difficulty with access to his daughter.

There shouldn’t be any problems for him on that score now, if he becomes a convicted murderer.

John Thomas Glascott, 44 is on trial for shooting his divorce lawyer, 56 year old David Robinson, outside his Fairfield office in 2006 when the lawyer arrived there to print off some schoolwork for his son. Supposedly Mr Robinson was shot with an old Russian pistol, using ammunition that John Thomas Glascott brought over from Cambodia.

It has been reported that Glascott’s daughter once saw a print out of a gun, and when asked about the gun Glascott said he’d planned to shoot himself dead on her birthday.

And still this guy had access to his daughter?

Please note we’ve filed this under ‘legal advice’ but wouldn’t necessarily advise anyone to actually murder their divorce lawyer. It doesn’t go down well in court, even though it probably work out cheaper in the long run.

Clive Bellmore

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‘Smiles over talent’ actress Denise Richards insists that although she and her wayward ex husband Charlie Sheen can never be friends, she won’t badmouth him in front of their two children. The pair have two young daughters together, and Richards has even fired a nanny for speaking ill of Charlie Sheen in front of their two girls.

I actually fired a nanny once, for bashing Charlie in front of the girls.

Charlie is their dad, so if I insult their father it’s an insult to them. I don’t want them ever to feel torn between the two of us.

Denise is upset that she and Charlie couldn’t remain friends after their break-up, which is all too common in divorce, especially when there is a custody battle involved.

Charlie is truly a stranger to me, and that’s the really sad part.

I know many people who have gotten divorced and remained good friends, and I envy that because it’s obviously much healthier for the kids than our situation.

But I’ve always tried to handle this respectfully. If you go back and try to dig up quotes about what I’ve said, there’s not a lot out there.

The problems between Richards and Sheen were well documented, but it’s nice to see that even though their split was extremely bitter, she’s still able to put their differences aside when it comes to their children. If only all women were like this.

Clive Bellmore

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One thing I’ve learned through my divorce was that keeping the house was one of the best decisions of my life. I was advised by many people to cut and run, let the ex have the house or sell it between us and take the money. However I knew how difficult it would be to buy a house after if I didn’t already own one. I knew it would be a long hard slog financially and I’d struggle to pay for it, as I didn’t live there myself. I lived at the other end of the country and needed to rent the house out.

I knew that if I didn’t rent it quick I’d struggle, and maybe lose the house altogether. However I took the plunge and went for it.

It took several months for me to actually let the house, and I was starting to sweat a little, but now I have a house rented for an amount that covers the mortgage, I live elsewhere and I’m a property owner.

It was worth the gamble, big time.

If you’re considering selling your house during a divorce to split the cost between you, think if there is anyway you can buy your ex out. It’s worth it.

Clive Bellmore

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Sometimes you have to just despair at the actions, or lack of, of some women. Amy Winehouse has all the talent in the world, yet for some reason has chosen to ally herself with a down and out useless excuse for a man, Blake Fielder-Civil.

Amy has insisted that Blake is still the man for her, despite reports that she has cheated on him with her manager’s assistant.

Amy said:

Why don’t these people who say I want a divorce just shut up and stop making up things about me?

I’m just waiting and waiting to get my Blake back. I’m supporting him all the way and I always have done.

Me and Blake are meant for each other, he’s my man.

Rumours were rife that Amy planned to divorce after details of her affair with Alex Haines started to circulate.

It could prove expensive for Amy if she does divorce, as Blake is apparently planning to demand £3,000,000 from her if they break up. To be honest girl, that’s cheap to get rid of the idiot. He’ll cost you a damn site more than that if you stay with him.

A friend of Blake’s is reported to have said:

At first Blake refused to believe Amy had dumped him, but his initial devastation has been replaced by rage.

He said Amy owes everything to him — he inspired her music and says he saved her life.

As a result of Amy his life will never be the same and he wants to make her compensate him. He has demanded £3million at the very least from her £10million fortune.

Clive Bellmore

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