Archive for February, 2008

Here comes some priceless advice for those thinking of getting married. Listen carefully because this is important…

Marry someone you like.

I know, it sounds obvious, but I’ve fallen foul of this one in the past. For a successful marriage it’s imperative that you marry someone you not only get on with, but that you actually like them. Don’t get married for the wrong reasons like so many people do. Reasons such as pregnancy, convenience and money are not justifiable reasons for marriage. You’ll find yourself stuck in a loveless marriage and you’ll end up resenting your partner.

If you think staying together, or even getting married in the first place because of children is a good idea you’re very much mistaken. It will have a negative effect on the children as well.

I’ve been there, so I do know what I’m talking about in this respect. Life is a precious thing and you owe it to yourself and any partners that you both feel the same way about each other, and by feel the same way I don’t mean indifference!

So, marry someone you like. You’ll regret it later if you don’t.

Clive Bellmore

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We’ve heard Billy Connolly, now for Tammy Wynette to make us laugh (sort of) with a song about Divorce. Something tells me this one won’t be as funny but I’ll be laughing anyway.

Why do Country singers insist on signing about stuff that’s depressing? Ah well, it’s all funny to me.

Clive Bellmore

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Unreasonable behaviour has become the most common reason used for divorce in the UK, overtaking former favourites such as irreconcilable differences and adultery… but why?

The main reason is that basically anything can be used to pass off as unreasonable behaviour. It doesn’t need to be extreme, unreasonable or even proven. What ‘unreasonable behaviour’ provides couples with is a fast track way to get divorced without having to go into great detail or to provide any evidence.

Unreasonable behaviour could be because the husband spends two hours a night on his PlayStation, or it could be that the wife grinds her teeth in her sleep, or because the husband a collection of records. Seriously, it can be that stupid, though unless both people are in agreement of course the divorce could be contested, which would get messy and expensive with only the solicitors winning out.

So, if you’re after a quick divorce and don’t have any adultery evidence or an abusive ex then just plot for the old ‘unreasonable behaviour’ excuse. It’s quick, easy and extremely petty… the essence of divorce.

Clive Bellmore

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When going through the trauma of divorce, getting advice from solicitors can be very expensive. Not to mention the fact that they charge by the hour, so don’t expect them to go for the quick win to suit you.

With this in mind it helps to find websites that can offer free advice for your divorce woes. One such website is divorceaid.co.uk.

The website offers you free, valuable independent advice on all aspects of divorce, including how it effects children and teenagers, and the all important aspect of the financial settlement.

Financial disputes can be a major stumbling block in the divorce process and could take longer than the divorce itself. This is the business side of divorce and it may be the most important financial event of your life. The choices and decisions that you make now may have an important influence on your financial well-being for many years to come.

This is a great resource, and one I wish I’d found two years ago. I’ll keep an eye on this site for my next divorce!

Clive Bellmore

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If you’re separated and living on your own you’ll eventually think it’s a good idea to contact the council and inform them so, in order to qualify for a single occupancy discount on your council tax. It makes sense doesn’t? It’ll save you a fair few quid each month.

However, if you’re living in the house on your own and it’s still jointly owned you should be aware that by telling the council that you’re now a sole occupant. you’re absolving your ex partner of any responsibility for council tax on that property. You won’t then be able to turn round and say well, it’s a jointly owned home so we should share the bills… even if you leave to live somewhere else while the house is sold.

You could in fact be living somewhere else AND paying council tax on another property, but as far as the council would be concerned you would still be responsible for the tax on your jointly owned property.

So before you contact them and claim single occupancy be sure that you’re not planning to move out soon and that you don’t mind your ex-partner being totally absolved from responsibility with regards to the council tax.

Clive Bellmore

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I’m not one for romantic comedies (funny that eh?) but something involving breaking up has to be worth a laugh, and Vince Vaughn is always on top form. This clip from The Break Up with Jennifer Aniston is mildly amusing.

Clive Bellmore

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Trust is a very important thing in marriage. Both you and your partner should trust each other if the marriage is to succeed. However I’ve been told by a great many friends, both male and female, that sometimes the truth isn’t always the best policy. In fact, as many people have said, so long as nothing has happened it’s best to not rock the boat and the keep quiet.

I’ll give you an example. I went on a boys night out when I was married with some university friends, where we attended a strip club. It was a great night and a lot of fun was had by all. As you can imagine.

Now, when I got home to the loving wife (!) I told her all about our exploits. This, apparently, was where I went wrong. Seems I shouldn’t have mentioned anything about the trip and instead I should have told her that we went to the pub and had a quiet drink.

She kicked off royally. She accused me of trying to sleep with strippers and ogling women, basically anything you could think of. I did point out that weeks earlier she’d seen some male strippers at a hen night, but that was different, apparently?

This whole event caused a major stir and was one of the catalysts for divorce. The moral here, so everyone has since said, is that what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her. Nothing happened at the strip club (well it wouldn’t, if you so much as try anything you get the crap kicked out of you by the seventeen stone bouncers) so I need not have even mentioned it.

My argument to my friends was that I’m honest and I didn’t want to keep anything from her. My stupidity I guess!

Clive Bellmore

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In a word, yes. A father has a legal right to know where is children are living if the mother has left the former matrimonial home. However, getting this information isn’t easy and you will need to go through the family court in order to attain it.

If the mother chooses she could refuse to provide this information on various grounds, such as she fears for her safety or she fears for the children’s safety, though she will eventually have to show evidence for those fears.

Sit tight though, keep your cool and don’t get stressed. Eventually you will find out where your children are living because it is your legal right.

Clive Bellmore

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Since my blog post about the murky area surrounding the legality of property I’ve had several searches to this website surrounding the question of whether your wife can change the locks to your house when you’re getting divorced.

Sadly this again is murky. While it may well be a jointly owned house if your wife feels threatened in any away she can refuse you access to the property, so yes, she can change the locks. The situation gets even more murky if she moves out and you remain in the house. In this instance if the financial dispute is ongoing you would be advised not to change the locks yourself because she could use that against you in court, and she has a right to enter the property.

She could of course enter the house herself while you’re not there and change them to lock you out. There is nothing illegal in her doing this, but if she doesn’t reside in the property you would have a right to break in and change them back again.

Remember, this is so long as she doesn’t reside there. You cannot break in if she lives in the house!

Simply put either of you can change the locks, but if your wife lives elsewhere either of you can change them back again. It’s best to avoid the situation altogether because changing locks several times a week is both pointless and expensive.

Clive Bellmore

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When you realise that your marriage is coming to an end and you’re going to get divorced, one of the first things you’ll be tempted to do is to stop your joint account and create a sole one. Especially if you’re the main earner. This sounds like a good idea as it means your soon to be ex won’t have access to your account any more and can’t use your debit cards, credit cards or cheque book.

There are however a few things to watch out for if and when you do this.

Firstly, any loans on your account will transfer into your name, so while you’ll gain ownership of the account and the money being paid into the account, you’ll also become liable for any loans on the account. You’ll be removing your partner from liability.

Also when doing this you’ll find that bills associated with your account will fall into your name. Mortgage,  utility, loans… everything will become your responsibility.

While this may sound good, you won’t actually be the owner of the property you owned together, you’ll just be liable for it all.

In addition to this, because your property will still be in joint names any decisions made surrounding it will require joint decisions. Plus any money you receive will be in joint names, and with no joint account you won’t be able to cash it.

In short, stopping your joint account isn’t as simple as it sounds. You need to look beyond that step and see what you’ll be paying for yourself, compared with what you’ll actually own.

Clive Bellmore

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