Archive for January, 2008

If you’ve dealt with the CSA in any capacity you’ll know that talking to them is utterly useless. They’re only out to take money from you and don’t care about personal circumstances. You can’t can’t explain anything to them, so don’t even try.

Luckily this website about the CSA has some valuable resources and advice, including template letters for complaints.

They’re currently asking for anyone who has received a DEO (deduction of earnings order) to write and complain if they feel it is unjust.

Have you been left unable to pay your living costs due to the CSA? Let me know, and let the guys over at www.onwww.co.uk know about it too. The CSA themselves sure don’t care.

Clive Bellmore

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The Fathers’ support group Fathers for Justice was set up in 2002 by Matt O’Conner with a view to changing UK law to allow children to have equal and fair access to both their parents. The group have managed to raise a massive amount of exposure with some extremely high profile stunts, including scaling Buckingham Palace dressed as Batman.

The website for the group, www.fathers-4-justice.org offers advice in the form of a private members forum, for which you pay a subscription of £30 per year.

If you’re having difficulty seeing your children I’d strongly advise you to join F4J and gain the advice of other fathers in your position. As they advertise on their website, it’s much cheaper than a single consultation with a solicitor and far more useful.

Clive Bellmore

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If you’ve recently split from your wife, but you’re still married (or even if you’re divorced) and the financial settlement hasn’t been agreed then you BOTH still have a legal right to access the former matrimonial home. Even if one of you has moved out.

Say for example your ex leaves and you’re living in the home, she then has a right at any time to enter the property. You can change the locks, some solicitors will even recommend it, but she then has the right to get a locksmith to change them again, or even to break in. The simple issue here is that police will not get involved unless there is a physical threat to one or the other parties.

What does all of this mean for you? Basically if you’re living in the former matrimonial home nothing you own in that home is safe. I’d suggest you remove any valuables immediately. She can enter the house, clean everything out and the police won’t even come out to take a look. It’s not because they’re lazy (though I’m sure that’s a factor and they’ll use the law to support their bone idle behaviour) but instead it’s because they can’t actually do anything.

Be advised though, if you’re the one who has moved out and your ex lives in the house, while yes you have a right to enter the house (and even break in if necessary) she can and will apply for a court order to have you restrained. This is something you won’t be able to do easily, but she will.

The law works in these mysterious ways.

So I’d advise you not to try entering the house if she’s in residence, and if you’re living there get your valuables out now. She has every legal right to help herself, and in an awful twist of irony she can also allow her friends and family in there as well to strip you of your possessions.

Fancy coming home to an empty house? Be warned.

Clive Bellmore

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When choosing a solicitor for your divorce I have a few tips. First off, as someone famously suggested to me, you should fight evil with evil. In other words, choose a female solicitor. If you’re dealing with a female judge and you’re teamed up with a male solicitor you’re done for. If you have woman, she’ll know how the other side thinks. She’ll have valuable insight into the mind of the demon itself.

Secondly, if you choose a really attractive female solicitor it’ll really annoy your soon to be ex-wife.

Now, while choosing a female solicitor maybe fun, and may annoy your ex-wife AND will score you bonus points with a female judge… remember she is still a woman, therefore evil. She’ll screw you over financially just as much as your ex-wife will, so wherever possible, and for the first few exchanges at least, operate without a solicitor.

I know, the old adage about he who represents himself has a fool for a client and all that rings true, but seriously, you’ll save a lot of money. Every letter you get sent to you costs. Every letter your solicitor sends to your ex-wife’s solicitor costs. Every phone call, every email, every time she even thinks about your case; that’s “prep work”. If your ex-wife is unreasonable and won’t agree to anything just to piss you off (and let’s face it, if she’s female she won’t) then you’ll find your solicitor going back and forth for months, maybe running into years before anything is resolved.

We’re talking thousands of pounds here.

I cottoned on to this late and eventually wound up finalising my settlement myself. It proved much quicker and more cost effective, though this wasn’t until I’d already forked out a ransom for my solicitor’s inability to act on my behalf. She did look smoking hot though!

Next time I’ll give you advice on negotiating with her solicitor, that’s the fun part.

Clive Bellmore

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At those moments when you feel at your lowest point, sing a song and laugh. There’s none better than our Billy to make you laugh.

Clive Bellmore

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Some days you just have to laugh about things in life or you’ll cry. This should help you raise a giggle, the divorce song.

Clive Bellmore

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When I was last in court for my financial settlement I saw a poor chap having a meeting in one of the prep rooms with two Cafcass workers. Cafcass have the mission statement of ‘putting children first in family courts’, however this is not what Cafcass actually do. I saw the guy go into the room and come out after 10 minutes in tears. He went to the toilet to compose himself then came out and left. He couldn’t cope with it any more. As he stormed out I heard him say to his mother, who was trying to stop him, “they’re not listening to me’.

I know exactly how he feels and I wished I could have helped him in some way.

Cafcass do not put the children first in any dispute. They take the word of the mother as fact and treat the words of the father with suspicion and distrust. If you can at all help it you should arrange contact with your children in any divorce with your ex partner, involving Cafcass will empower the mother to cut you out of the children’s lives altogether.

Oh, Cafcass will say this isn’t so. They will insist that they’re putting the children first. However it’s in the children’s best interests to have regular contact with both of their parents. Cafcass will advise the mother that if she feels having contact with the father is in any way stressful or upsetting to the children then she can simply refuse. There is not a thing you can do about it. You cannot go to court about it because:

1. It’s very expensive
2. Cafcass will back up the mother’s claim that the children are upset by the whole affair

That’s it, your rights as a father don’t come into it.

Therefore I would advise anyone getting divorced to not solicit the involvement of the organisation known as Cafcas. They are essentially social workers with the mindset that the mother can decide whether her children have any contact with their father or not.

If you do have no choice but to deal with Cafcass I would advise you to record everything. They will make promises and claims but will have no intention of honouring them. Secondly I’d advise that you always have a witness to your meetings, preferably a female witness. Their instant mistrust of the male species will mean if you solicit the involvement of a male friend or family member you might as well not bother.

Finally stay calm. This sounds obvious but I’ve seen it myself time and time again. I’ve even been there. As Cafcass attempt to wind you up you should remain calm and focussed. Do not shout, raise your voice or swear.

If Cafcass are involved with your case you have my sympathies.

Clive Bellmore

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Divorce can be a stressful thing to go through, and the temptation to murder your wife and shoot your mother in-law can be very hard to resist. However resist you must. I’d recommend you don’t follow Police Inspector Garry Weddell’s lead and murder your wife, and then shoot your mother in-law when your brother very kindly stumps up your bail money.

It’s much better to stay calm and settle things through reasoned discussion, without getting the solicitors involved if you can at all help it. I know murder sometimes seems like the obvious solution, but really it’s not.

If you’re feeling tempted to murder your wife and shoot your mother in-law, stop and think for a moment, “is this going to win me any favours?”… the answer is probably no.

Clive Bellmore

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One thing I’ve learned from getting divorced is that all of those stories about how incompetent the CSA (child support agency) are, are in fact true. In actual fact, the tales flying around the Internet probably don’t go far enough to say quite how bad the CSA are. Before I offer examples in later posts of how to deal with them and what to expect, the first piece of advice I can give in relation to the CSA is: Don’t get them involved.

You see, if you’re getting divorced and there are children involved you don’t actually have to involved the CSA. They’ll take a hefty percentage of whatever money they steal from the non resident parent (which may or may not be the man) anyway, so it’s better for both the father and the mother if the CSA are not involved at all.

If you can come to an amicable arrangement between you, you’ll both benefit. It will be cheaper and less stressful for the non resident parent AND the resident parent will get more money.

However, if the resident claims benefit then the CSA are automatically notified and come into play. This is where it all falls down. You need to be mindful of this. If you and your ex have come to an agreement on what you should pay for the upkeep of your children it matters not one jot in the eyes of the child support agency. They couldn’t care less. They want their cut.

So in short, for now. Don’t get the CSA involved if you can possibly help it. It’s worse for you both if you do that as they’ll cream off most of the money taken for themselves. If however the resident parent claims benefit, you can’t avoid the CSA getting involved.

Clive Bellmore

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I’ve been asked about the origin of the name “Take my wife, please”. It’s a classic comedy line from the stand up comedian Henny Youngman. You can see Henny here in this video for Comic Relief in 1986.

The explanation for Henny’s classic one liner “Take my wife, please” can be found on Wikipedia:

Henny explained the origin of his classic line “Take my wife, please” as a misinterpretation: in the mid-1930s he took his wife to a show and asked the usher to escort his wife to a seat. But his request was taken as a joke, and Youngman used the line countless times ever after.

So there you have it, the origin of this domain name, take my wife… please.

Clive Bellmore

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