Archive for the ‘Marriage’ Category

It seems obvious, but before you get divorced you must first get married. What if you’re already married though, just nobody can find any record of it? That’s what’s causing problems in a Malaysian court right now, as a woman who is seeking a divorce has been ordered by the court to first get married.

The woman, Siti Aishah Chou Abdullah, was refused a divorce by the court because there is no actual record of her marriage in the first place. So she has been told if she wants a divorce, she must first marry her husband.

The marriage between the 24-year-old woman from Cambodia, and Wan Ismail Wan Jusoh took place in Kuala Lumpur, five years ago in 2003.

According to her lawyer, the marriage started to show signs of cracks when her husband decided he wanted a third wife. Siti is the man’s second wife already.

Clive Bellmore

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Wedding planners have been around a long time now to take the stress off the bride, bride’s parents and (to a lesser extent) the groom. For some it’s a good idea, as planning a wedding can be a very stressful thing to have to do and having a professional do that for you would leave you free to get on with the actual act of getting married.

However, how come there are no companies offering divorce planning services? It would make perfect sense, because organising a divorce is just as much effort as organising a wedding. With a wedding you need to organise the flowers, cake, cars, dress, church, band etc… but with a divorce you need to organise far more, such as custody of the kids, the dog, dividing up all of the possessions (including the wedding gifts), splitting the house, dividing up the money, the list goes on.

So I’d like to see services such as divorce planning coming into the mainstream. Divorces are really stressful, and having someone to plan it all for you and take the pressure off your divorce would be a great idea!

Clive Bellmore

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As 40% of all marriages in the UK now end in divorce, the catholic church is stepping in to save the day. Gosh, how nice of them. About time eh? Now divorce will be a thing of the past!

The Roman Catholic Westminster Cathedral held a special mass for couples this month where 650 happily married (yet catholic) couples gathered to praise Jesus and generally look down on people who live in sin and get divorced. The couples had a combined 43,000 years of married life behind them, but you can bet it felt like a lot more than that!

Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O’Connor is hoping to warn of the dangers faced by society in people getting divorced, or not even getting married at all.

While it’s true that more divorces mean that more children experience family break ups, is it not worse that children live in a house filled with conflict and hate if parents stay together when they really should be apart? Catholics would disagree.

Cardinal Murphy-O’Connor claims that the threat to society face by divorces is a time-bomb that threatens the integrity of the whole British society. He went on to say that the breakdown of a marriage was ‘one of the greatest evils’. He really needs a reality check.

The effects of the break up of marriage can be seen because of drugs and crime. The effects of the break up of marriage can be seen because of drugs and crime. So many people are in prison…as the result of broken marriages. And it’s a time bomb because the effects are insidious. It’s starting now with divorce but its effects will go on and on.

This is why we shouldn’t let religious people have any say in the running of the country. They’re bound by what was written in a fairy story book and think it somehow gives us the laws with which to live our lives. Marriage is a religious concept, does it not surprise the Catholics that people who aren’t religious don’t feel the need to get married?

One of the couples at the mass, the O’Driscolls, think that the breakdown in marriages is usually due to people being unwilling to compromise and work out any problems.

When things go wrong it’s no good just brushing things aside. Just speak about it. If you leave it, it will only get worse.

Even though many marriage experts believe that a union of two people doesn’t necessarily require the act of marriage to survive, instead a long term relationship built on compromise and understanding would be better; Cardinal Murphy-O’Connor disagrees.

He would, churches have seen marriage numbers fall, which hits them in the pocket. The Cardinal claims that marriages blessed in church stand a better chance of success.

What utter garbage.

Society must have some sort of infrastructure. There’s an African saying…’you need a village to bring up a child’. Public policies should be judged on the basis of whether they help family life or not. If they do, they should be approved.

The church is suffering from recent developments in society such as the emergence of ‘civil partnerships’ and the decision to make the discrimination against homosexuals illegal. Both of these actions harm the church’s view of family life as they are both against the word of the bible.

Again, this is why the religious should be kept out of any decisions to do with running the country.

Clive Bellmore

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If you’re wondering whatever happened to family values, where the images of traditional families would dominate our TV screens, you can blame modern advertisers for mirroring real life. While some years ago we’d be bombarded with adverts depicting domestic bliss, such as the Ah Bisto family, these days we get domestic turbulence, step-dads, single mothers and break-ups.

All of it done with market research in mind, because the target audience for the products in the UK tends to be a similarly broken family. And why not, with 42% of British marriages now ending in divorce the advertisers need to aim at the single parent and the working mother.

Former Atomic Kitten and Wilmslow resident Kerry Katona is a perfect example. She’s a working single mother of four kids and she shops in Iceland. Despite all of her well publicised problems with her partner and other lifestyle ‘choices’ Kerry has just been signed up for another year as the face of Iceland. While you’d think that having someone so controversial might not sit well with the retailer, quite the opposite is true. Kerry’s controversy and constant appearances in the media spotlight have given the small retailer a much needed PR boost.

There’s no such thing as bad publicity after all.

Kerry fits the perfect British single mother stereotype, she’s had two marriages, kids with two different men, she works and she’s had personal troubles. All of this means the target audience for Iceland can identify with her, which is critical in advertising.

It’s certainly working for Iceland, as their market share has risen by 11.6% from last year, which is an impressive rise in a time when consumer spending down.

Clive Bellmore

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As divorce becomes increasingly more common in the UK, and indeed all over the world, it’s only fair that we look at the ways being divorced is better than being married. Let’s face it, anyone who has gotten divorced feels a lot better for it, if not a lot poorer.

So, here are five ways being divorced is better than being married.

1. More sex. Getting married is a sure fire way to kill off your sex life, period. When you’re divorced you’re free to pursue other avenues of interest.
2. You can leave the toilet seat up.
3. You can piss on the aforementioned toilet seat without fear of recriminations.
4. It’s cheaper. Yes, admittedly the act of getting divorced will cost you plenty, but once you are free of the evil in your life you’ll no longer be forking out for shoes, handbags, magazines, holidays in the sun and other non essentials, leaving you more money for beer and takeaway curry.
5. Your car is finally safe from crashes… depending on your own personal driving style of course ;).

Clive Bellmore

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If you got married in church, and resent the very day you said ‘I do’, you can go back to the same church to say ‘hang on there, actually, I don’t’.

At least if you live in Switzerland.

Apparently Swiss couples are so keen to end their marriages in the same place where they started that moves are now being made to allow them to get divorced in church, with an official divorce ceremony.

Frank Worbs, a Pastor from Zurich, is working on an official liturgy. He said:

A ritual or symbolic process includes meetings with the priest beforehand in the same way that married couples have a meeting.

It helps divorced people to get over the separation and achieve definite closure. Sometimes there is no other solution but to separate.

In such situations it is important to make the divorce as amicable as possible for the couple so that they can begin a new chapter in their lives. Other members of the family can also take part and come to terms with things more easily.

This will be great if it comes off because there are so many people opposed to the whole concept of divorce on religious grounds that getting divorced in church will really annoy them.

I’m all for that.

Clive Bellmore

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Since Ronald Reagan signed the ruling allowing No Fault Divorce in the California in 1969 divorce rates in the USA have sky-rocketed. The number of divorces went from 708,000 in 1970 to a staggering 1,036,000 just five years later.

It’s much the same story in the UK too, as the well voiced statistic states 1 in 3 marriages end in divorce.

Because of the ruling one partner in a marriage was able to apply and successfully get a divorce under the ‘irreconcilable differences’ banner, meaning that the other partner had no choice but to accept the ruling. Much like breaking up a relationship, if one person in the relationship wants to end it, the other person has to accept it.

It makes sense, it stops couples staying together when they really don’t want to be together. Imagine if you had a girlfriend and you wanted to end the relationship, but required her permission to do so. That’s basically what the divorce law used to be, and it’s exactly what ‘Marriage Savers’ want it to become again.

The marriage and counselling agency based Maryland want to make it harder for couples to divorce. They think bot parties should agree that a divorce is required, hoping that it will force more people to stay together.

What a monumentally stupid idea. What benefit is there to anyone, including children, if one of their parents is forced to remain in a loveless marriage because the other parent refuses to accept the marriage is over?

Is it any great surprise that this story came from the Christian Post?

Yep, that’s what happens when religious people get involved with life. They make really stupid suggestions based on their own ‘hammered home’ values, yet have a total lack of understanding of the way the real world works.

Clive Bellmore

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If you’re due to get married soon, all the plans have been set and everything has been paid for, yet you’re having second thoughts about the whole thing; remember, divorce costs more than marriage.

Yes, you’ll be somewhat unpopular with your betrothed  and her family. Yes you’ll cost quite a considerable amount of money for them and probably yourself in wasted expense, but in the long run you’ll be saving yourself one heck of a lot more. No matter how much money the church was to hire, the dress was to buy, the cars were to hire, the cake, the suits, the flowers, the wedding planner… whatever else you may have spent money on; it all pales into insignificance when compared to the cost of getting rid of the wife afterwards.

So, if you’re feeling that you don’t want to go through with it but you’re worried about letting people down, don’t be. It’s more important that you make the right decision now instead of regretting it later.

Marriage is expensive, and would represent a lot of money to waste by cancelling a wedding, but divorce will cost you far more than any wedding can. Think carefully about your decision, it could prove a costly one.

Clive Bellmore

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Here comes some priceless advice for those thinking of getting married. Listen carefully because this is important…

Marry someone you like.

I know, it sounds obvious, but I’ve fallen foul of this one in the past. For a successful marriage it’s imperative that you marry someone you not only get on with, but that you actually like them. Don’t get married for the wrong reasons like so many people do. Reasons such as pregnancy, convenience and money are not justifiable reasons for marriage. You’ll find yourself stuck in a loveless marriage and you’ll end up resenting your partner.

If you think staying together, or even getting married in the first place because of children is a good idea you’re very much mistaken. It will have a negative effect on the children as well.

I’ve been there, so I do know what I’m talking about in this respect. Life is a precious thing and you owe it to yourself and any partners that you both feel the same way about each other, and by feel the same way I don’t mean indifference!

So, marry someone you like. You’ll regret it later if you don’t.

Clive Bellmore

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Trust is a very important thing in marriage. Both you and your partner should trust each other if the marriage is to succeed. However I’ve been told by a great many friends, both male and female, that sometimes the truth isn’t always the best policy. In fact, as many people have said, so long as nothing has happened it’s best to not rock the boat and the keep quiet.

I’ll give you an example. I went on a boys night out when I was married with some university friends, where we attended a strip club. It was a great night and a lot of fun was had by all. As you can imagine.

Now, when I got home to the loving wife (!) I told her all about our exploits. This, apparently, was where I went wrong. Seems I shouldn’t have mentioned anything about the trip and instead I should have told her that we went to the pub and had a quiet drink.

She kicked off royally. She accused me of trying to sleep with strippers and ogling women, basically anything you could think of. I did point out that weeks earlier she’d seen some male strippers at a hen night, but that was different, apparently?

This whole event caused a major stir and was one of the catalysts for divorce. The moral here, so everyone has since said, is that what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her. Nothing happened at the strip club (well it wouldn’t, if you so much as try anything you get the crap kicked out of you by the seventeen stone bouncers) so I need not have even mentioned it.

My argument to my friends was that I’m honest and I didn’t want to keep anything from her. My stupidity I guess!

Clive Bellmore

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