Archive for the ‘Comedy’ Category

I found this cartoon particularly funny in the light of the current housing market and the fact that couples are divorcing and losing houses.

I nearly lost my house when I divorced, but was lucky (and bold) enough to hang onto it and buy my ex-wife out. It was a risky decision but I’m certain I made the right one. I’m now letting the house out and can ride out the downturn in property prices without needing to panic and sell up.

In fact, I’m even thinking of buying another house now. It may be a bad time to sell, but there’s some bargains to be had out there if you’re buying, especially if you’re buying from a couple who are getting divorced. They have to sell, and fast!

Clive Bellmore

Post a Comment

There’s something really disturbing about Christians claiming god can help you with everything. It makes me wonder why can’t they just help themselves rather than falling back on their blind faith to see them through a crisis.

Still, if it keeps them off the streets I suppose. This Christian explains how god helped him get over his parents divorce, which I’m sure must have been hard, but I wonder how much was actually him, rather than a non existent god.

Also, why is it that religion tends to prey on those who are at their lowest point? It’s like some huge vulterous beast that looks for people in desperate need of help, and drags them in when they have nowhere else to go.

Is religion saving them, or is it preying on them?

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQSVPATG4o4]

Clive Bellmore

Post a Comment

What do you get the father who has everything for Father’s Day? Oooh, how about a divorce? That’s sure to please your dad. It would have pleased me.

A radio station in Canada, The Fan 590, is running a contest for Father’s Day offering to give your dad a divorce. The slogan on the radio station’s website read:

It’s the perfect gift for the man who has everything, and doesn’t want it.

If you’re struggling to find something original for Father’s Day, don’t bother with the socks, gardening gloves or the slippers… get him what he really wants, his life back!

This represents the turn of the tide with regards to divorce in our time. No longer is it taboo, it’s become a marketing goldmine; an industry that companies are looking to exploit. For example, the divorced market need to buy and sell property, they need new cars, new wardrobes and holidays. It’s a burgeoning market.

Ruth Winker is the promotions manager for the radio station:

I don’t think we are trivializing divorce. We’re accepting of it. It’s a reality.

The contest is real says Ms. Winker, it’s not a hoax and they’re really hoping to award some lucky dad with the Father’s Day gift of his dreams.

It would be grown children who are doing this for their father. It’s not meant for young children.

Hopefully this will catch on and the product will make it into the high street.

Clive Bellmore

Post a Comment

I’ve been running this website about divorce for a few months now, writing about various aspects to getting divorced, legal advice, CSA and other things. In that time I’ve had a considerable amount of traffic from people looking for information online to help them in their divorce.

But… and I stress but, I’ve had some pretty stupid people find this website judging by what they were searching on. For example, just this month someone found takemywifeplease.co.uk by searching on:

will my wife change her mind about divorce afterwards

WTF? How the hell does that guy expect Google to know? Was he thinking some great big ‘YES’ would show up? Buddy, if you’re that stupid your wife was bound to leave you, let her go.

Then I had some find this website by searching on:

wife wants divorce does wife pay my lawyer

Not quite so stupid, but still very idealistic. No pal, your wife doesn’t pay for you lawyer. In fact, you’ll probably end up paying for hers.

Then there was this one:

piss off cafcass

Well said sir, well said indeed!

Also we had this imbecile:

will my wife change

er, yes mate. She will. What are you, some kind of moron? You’re asking a search engine if your wife will change. What do you think?

How about this one:

how can i prove my affection to my wife

Well mate, try hiring a seventeen year old Swedish au pair, that always go downs well with wives. That will prove your affection for her. Idiot.

Finally, cos I really could go on here, there’s this one:

my partner shouts and swear i want a divorce what are my rights

Oh my giddy aunt. He shouts and swears? And Google should care why? These people really need to learn how to use the Internet. It can’t tell you if your wife will change her mind after a divorce, it’s not an oracle.

Clive Bellmore

Post a Comment

If you’re recently divorced you’ll love to have this ‘divorce magnet’ to display on your fridge. Of course, if you’ve just got divorced, chances are you’ll not have a fridge, but you could always stick the magnet on your car door as you sleep in it.

I might get one anyway. Getting a novelty fridge magnet is the first step to getting a fridge.

Clive Bellmore

Post a Comment

Divorce for some is an horrible thing, a torment filled experience best avoided. For others however, it’s a release. A way out of a loveless marriage.

Of course filing for divorce is time consuming and expensive, so it’s often better to get your wife to divorce you. But how? Below are some helpful tips guaranteed to get your wife to file for divorce, and if she doesn’t, she’s definitely not the sort of woman you want to divorce.

1. Get her sister pregnant, women tend to frown on this sort of thing
2. Get her mother pregnant, if the sister didn’t do the trick having a half brother by her husband will mess her up for good
3. Make a bonfire out of her clothes while slow roasting your wedding photos
4. Pick an affectionate name for her, along the lines of ‘fat slug’ and refer to her with that name every day
5. Video yourself having sex with her and make a website out of it, charging others to view it, turning her into an internet porn star before proudly showing her your work
6. Run her father over in your car, reversing back over his lifeless body just to make sure you nailed him
7. Work hard all day to provide money for her and her activities, while supporting her in everything she does (doesn’t sound like it would lead to divorce, but believe me it f***ing well does!)

Clive Bellmore

Post a Comment

I’m not one for romantic comedies (funny that eh?) but something involving breaking up has to be worth a laugh, and Vince Vaughn is always on top form. This clip from The Break Up with Jennifer Aniston is mildly amusing.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7XCTSrgBGjk]

Clive Bellmore

Post a Comment

At those moments when you feel at your lowest point, sing a song and laugh. There’s none better than our Billy to make you laugh.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SzZzGxReXmo]

Clive Bellmore

Comments (243)

Some days you just have to laugh about things in life or you’ll cry. This should help you raise a giggle, the divorce song.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T2gg3Q81was]

Clive Bellmore

Comments (102)

I’ve been asked about the origin of the name “Take my wife, please”. It’s a classic comedy line from the stand up comedian Henny Youngman. You can see Henny here in this video for Comic Relief in 1986.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUxDxI68xpc]

The explanation for Henny’s classic one liner “Take my wife, please” can be found on Wikipedia:

Henny explained the origin of his classic line “Take my wife, please” as a misinterpretation: in the mid-1930s he took his wife to a show and asked the usher to escort his wife to a seat. But his request was taken as a joke, and Youngman used the line countless times ever after.

So there you have it, the origin of this domain name, take my wife… please.

Clive Bellmore

Comments (25)