Archive for the ‘Children’ Category

If ever a reason to outlaw surrogate pregnancy was needed, this is it. A baby born in India for Japanese parents has been left homeless after the waiting parents got divorced.

Because of Indian law, the baby’s father (the Japanese man) cannot take custody of the baby because he has divorced the baby’s mother (well, not the baby’s real mother).

The man and his wife arrived in India, in Ahmedabad, 12 months ago to find a surrogate mother to give them a child. However while the mother was pregnant with the baby, the Japanese couple were divorced.

Because of bombings in Ahmedabad, the baby was moved for her safety to a new location, where she is now. The father wants to take the baby back to Japan, but he has to leave India due to an expired visa.

Sanjay Arya is a doctor looking after the baby:

Doctor Yamada got divorced around mid-June, and after his divorce, he came alone to claim the custody of the child. But, according to the Indian laws, a single father cannot adopt a girl child. This is a major legal hassle arising in this case. But the question is when the child has father’s 50 per cent DNA, where does the point arise of him having to adopt the child as he is her natural father.

Due to the lapse laws in India, it’s become a major destination for surrogate births. However, as parents have to adopt the children they want from the surrogate mother, the adoption laws in India make it difficult for single men to adopt girls. This is where the girl’s father is having trouble.

The real loser in all of this of course is the baby girl herself, who is being kept from her father and was born to a mother who didn’t want her, she only wanting paying for giving birth to her.

Clive Bellmore

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Only in America can something like this exist. You and Me Make Three is a children’s story book from the point of view of BB Bear, which talks children through the complexities and reality of getting divorced.

However rather than being aimed at kids who’s parents are getting divorced, the book is scheduled to be entered into every school in the USA, so all kids all benefit from the horrors of their parents getting divorced, even if they’re not going to. Scare kids much?

The book uses pictures, and a cute bear, to tell kids what it will be like when their parents split up; how they’ll have to spend time at the homes of each parent, see them separately etc. The book was written by three different authors, all women (naturally) and even includes tips for parents. The tips are called SMILE tips, which obnoxiously means ‘Start Making It Livable for Everyone’… yuk.

The Victor Smile Foundation is to donate all the proceeds of the sale of the book to purchase books for schools.

John Landis (not the film director) is the president of Education Foundation for Oakland Schools:

The Foundation believes You and Me Make Three will assist many teachers, students and parents through the emotional process of separation and divorce. Using the book and bear in the classroom will also help children who aren’t involved with divorce to better understand the feelings of those who are.

Personally I feel that having the book in schools will scare the crap out of kids who’s parents are happily married and will worry them unnecessarily.

Clive Bellmore

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This Sunday, on Father’s day, father of two Brian Philcox took his two children out for the day and then murdered them and killed himself by filling their car with carbon monoxide. Brian was going through a very messy divorce according to his friends. His children, Owen (3) and Amy (7) were both found dead with their father in his car in North Wales.

He’d picked them up that morning from their home in Cheshire.

The incredible thing is that Brian Philcox has children from previous relationships, so he’s left behind children without a father.

What is it about divorce that drives some people to do this sort of thing? Also, with Brian killing himself and his two children it’s harmed the chances of other fathers who are struggling to have access to their children. Understandably mothers who were reluctant to let the fathers have unsupervised access will be even more hesitant to do so now.

Clive Bellmore

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As the Fathers 4 Justice are currently protesting long and hard about the access fathers have to their children in the UK, we thought it would be fun to look back at one of their legendary stunts. This is where they stormed a live broadcast of the National Lottery draw on BBC1.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4Lav9YpvzA]

It most definitely could be you!

Clive Bellmore

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The Fathers 4 Justice were at it again this weekend when they climbed on the roof of the deputy leader of the labour party’s house, Harriet Harman. The two protesters were dressed in their standard F4J super hero outfits, this time as Captain Conception and Cash Gordon.

In true F4J style the duo garnered a massive amount of media website with their protest and are looking to force the government into changing the way that fathers are treated in the UK. Currently, thanks to the Child Support Agency, fathers are treated as cash cows rather than as fathers. This has led to a great many complaints against the CSA from different sources.

Clive Bellmore

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If you’re wondering whatever happened to family values, where the images of traditional families would dominate our TV screens, you can blame modern advertisers for mirroring real life. While some years ago we’d be bombarded with adverts depicting domestic bliss, such as the Ah Bisto family, these days we get domestic turbulence, step-dads, single mothers and break-ups.

All of it done with market research in mind, because the target audience for the products in the UK tends to be a similarly broken family. And why not, with 42% of British marriages now ending in divorce the advertisers need to aim at the single parent and the working mother.

Former Atomic Kitten and Wilmslow resident Kerry Katona is a perfect example. She’s a working single mother of four kids and she shops in Iceland. Despite all of her well publicised problems with her partner and other lifestyle ‘choices’ Kerry has just been signed up for another year as the face of Iceland. While you’d think that having someone so controversial might not sit well with the retailer, quite the opposite is true. Kerry’s controversy and constant appearances in the media spotlight have given the small retailer a much needed PR boost.

There’s no such thing as bad publicity after all.

Kerry fits the perfect British single mother stereotype, she’s had two marriages, kids with two different men, she works and she’s had personal troubles. All of this means the target audience for Iceland can identify with her, which is critical in advertising.

It’s certainly working for Iceland, as their market share has risen by 11.6% from last year, which is an impressive rise in a time when consumer spending down.

Clive Bellmore

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Earlier on I asked if my ex-wife could get my children’s surname changed by deed poll without my permission. I’ve done some rooting around and I’ve found what I wanted to know, luckily it’s good news.

You can see on this website here.

For births registered in England or Wales
If the mother was married to the father when their child was born, or if the mother married the father at any time subsequent to the birth, the father also has parental responsibility. Please note, from 1st December 2003, an unmarried father automatically acquires parental responsibility if he is named (or later becomes named by re-registration) on the child’s birth certificate.

This is how parental responsibility is ascertained, the website goes onto say:

If a father has parental responsibility, his consent is required to change his child’s name. This is the case even if he and the mother have separated, divorced or remarried and if the father has no contact whatsoever with the child.

This means that if the father’s name is on the birth certificate his permission is required in order to get the child’s surname changed.

Great news eh? For any fathers out there who are concerned that their ex-wifes or ex-partners might change their child’s name without their permission, don’t worry. If your name is on the birth certificate your permission is required. If you don’t give your permission your ex will have to appeal before a judge to get the name changed.

Clive Bellmore

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This is something I have been wondering myself for some time, and I’ve heard mixed stories on the actual legal position. I aim to clarify the situation this week for everyone, and for myself, as I’m genuinely concerned about the whole thing. I don’t want my children growing up with someone else’s name, either my ex-wife’s or someone else entirely different.

I heard from one woman that she was able, should she want, to change her two children’s names because she and the father of the children were never married, and his name isn’t on the birth certificate. Therefore she has the right to change their names from his, to hers if she wants. She said she would never do that, but it’s her right.

I’ve also heard that if you were married and the father’s name is on the birth certificate then the mother does require the father’s permission to change the surnames of the children. This is, I hope, the real case. As I said I will be investigating the legal position this week and will update everyone here.

Can my ex-wife change my children’s names without my permission? I hope not, and I aim to find out.

Clive Bellmore

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As many people have previously said about the UK, the country has literally gone to the dogs. It’s an old phrase, but a very apt one. The problem being that anyone who has a good job, owns his own home and pays his taxes is charged with paying for those that just can’t be bothered, or as my father always used to say “the sick, lame and lazy”.

The same is true of a father’s rights to see his children. If, as I do, a divorced father has a good job, car and owns his own house he is expected to pay for his own legal fees. He doesn’t get the benefit of the social workers fighting his corner and is treated as the enemy in the eyes of CAFCAS.

My niece on the other hand is a single mother. The father of her child is jobless, an alcoholic and has been treated for acts of violence. He’s what you might call a waster, someone you wouldn’t want left alone with your children. Thanks to the unique way the UK is run however he has a legal right to see he daughter, and my niece has even been threatened with going back to court if she doesn’t make her daughter available for him to see. He even has his own social worker turn up with him to ensure that he looks after the little girl properly.

All of his legal fees naturally are paid for by the tax payer, me and you.

Whereas I have no contact with my children. I have no social workers fighting for my rights. I have no legal aid. I have no courts looking sympathetically upon me.

Many times during the last few years I’ve thought that if I were jobless, homeless and were a violent alcoholic I’d have had regular contact with my children. The sad truth is, that’s entirely correct. The UK favours the scum of society and gives them rights beyond all others, whereas honest, hard working law abiding people not only have to pay for them, they forfeit their own rights in the process.

The UK is rubbish.

Clive Bellmore

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One of the worst aspects of any relationship breakdown is how the trauma can affect the children involved. Children always feel the effects of the break up of their parents most profoundly, even if they sometimes endeavour to hide how they feel. With this in mind parents should take extra care to ensure that the children are reassured by both parents that they are not responsible for any break-up and that they won’t lose either parent’s love, nor will they lose contact with either parent.

Of course doing this requires both parents to remain civil to each other and put their own differences aside in favour of their children’s needs. This is often easier said than done as break-ups rarely run smoothly, especially where children are involved.

What is essential to avoid however is using the children to cause the other parent emotional grief, which again is all too common. When an unscrupulous mother realises that her best weapon in upsetting her ex-husband lies in refusing access to the children, she can sometimes be tempted to use her own children in this way. This means that she is denying her children their father, refusing them access to one of their parents at a time when they need both parents around them, just to gain some petty revenge.

Is this bad parenthood? Yes. Is there anything that can be done about this legally? Well no, actually there isn’t. When the mother is absolutely determined to stop her ex seeing his children there sadly isn’t anything that can be done about it in the courts, as any contact order made by the courts isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on due to the powers the mother is given by social services.

This again is why we Fathers 4 Justice campaigning in aid of non resident fathers everywhere. This is why we need a law change in the UK. As long as women have this power children can be abused by their mothers and have their fathers blocked out of their lives.

This is a form of child abuse, when the child is too young to form their own opinion they are being denied what is rightfully theirs, access to their father.

Clive Bellmore

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