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When starting a marriage it’s often a good idea to start as you mean to go on and make decisions about your wedding together. You should choose the food for your wedding dinner, the type of cake and even the venue. You should both agree on the invitations, the order of service and the honeymoon. You should also agree on the venue for the evening meal and the sort of entertainment you’ll have, whether you go for a disco or a wedding band.

Of course, if you find that you disagree with your future wife on many aspects of your wedding, it won’t bode well for the future as you’ll always end up arguing.

For example, on my wedding I designed the order of service handouts myself, only to find that my wife’s brother-in-law decided he didn’t like them, and swapped the design for some Microsoft Word clip-art… WTF?

I also wanted a live wedding band for the occasion, but instead was overruled and her parents went with a disco, presumably someone they knew.

The point being, if you can’t have any input into your own wedding, the chances are you won’t have any input into your own married life.

Clive Bellmore

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Divorce by text, it’s the future!

Amazingly, in some cultures you can actually divorce your wife by text message. You don’t even need to go to court either, simply texting your wife and telling her that she’s divorced is considered final and absolute.

A Saudi Arabian did this recently and a court ruled that his action was legal under the law. Under their law, a man can divorce his wife by uttering the words ‘I divorce you’ three times, then they are legally divorced. As technology is become more widely used, the act of texting the information rather than saying it in person is considered sufficient.

It’s much harder for women to get a divorce though. They have to go to court and appeal against the male dominated system.

Now where’s my mobile?

Clive Bellmore

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Mel Gibson could be about to shell out half of his sizable personal fortune in his divorce from his wife of nearly 30 years, Robyn. The couple announced recently that they were to divorce, being married in 1980.

Mel Gibson is said to be worth in the region of $1 billion after building a film career that very few actors have been able to emulate. He is regarded as one of the most successful actors and directors working in Hollywood today, making successful action movies such as the Lethal Weapon series, and more personal films such as The Passion of the Christ.

The couple didn’t agree a pre-nup when they were married, so under US law Robyn is entitled to half of Mel’s substantial fortune.

Clive Bellmore

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A US woman was shocked to find that her Philippine husband only wanted to marry her to gain entry into the country, and even more shocked to find that he was already married to two women back home.

What a rotter.

Jamie Griffin thought that her new husband, Norman Simon, was in love with her and had just divorced his one and only wife in the Philippines in order to marry her. Well, he had divorced ‘a’ wife from the Philippines, but he kept two back as spares.

Luckily for Jamie Griffin, as her marriage wasn’t legal she doesn’t need a divorce. Some small mercies eh?

Clive Bellmore

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Just like asking if you want fries with that, an estate agent in Spain is offering house buyers a divorce lawyer with their house purchase!

We know that divorce and buying a new home are the two most stressful things you can go through, but do we really have to do them at the same time? The Spanish estate agents seem to think so, and are giving the couples the option of a free divorce lawyer with every house purchased.

Presumably that’s one divorce lawyer for each couple? There could be a conflict of interests there.

The thinking is that many couples can’t afford to get divorced so they stay together, the offer of a free divorce lawyer gives them that option.

Clive Bellmore

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According to reports, rock and roll legend Bruce Springsteen, also known as The Boss, is having an affair with another man’s wife.

Divorce papers that were filed last month have alleged that The Boss has been dancing in the dark with someone else’s wife, a woman by the name of Ann Kelly. The divorce was filed by her husband Arthur Kelly.

The report was published in Star Magazine:

Ann committed adultery with one Bruce Springsteen, who resides in Rumson, N.J., and Colts Neck, N.J., at various times and places too numerous to mention.

At present no comment has been made by Ann Kelly or The Boss.

In a bizarre piece of symmetry, Bruce has been married to one of his backing singers for 17 years, and Ann Kelly has been married to her husband Arthur for the same period.

Clive Bellmore

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There are many things that might lead a guy to file for divorce, and being handcuffed by your wife certainly qualifies!

Robert Drawbaugh was rescued by police last month when his wife handcuffed herself to him when he wanted to leave her. When they found the man, and his handcuffed wife, he had bites on his arms and upper body.

His wife, Helen Sun, 37, had been married to Mr Drawbaugh for 7 years before it broke down.

According to Helen Sun the handcuffs were necessary because she couldn’t speak to her husband properly without them.

Clive Bellmore

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It may seem like a stupid thing to have an argument over, but when a marriage isn’t working out you’ll find you’re able to pretty much disagree about anything, and garden ponds certainly come under the category of ‘anything’.

The problem was that our house had a pond in the garden, one which was protected by a fence, albeit a small fence, but a fence nonetheless. As my wife at the time decided the pond was dangerous, she wanted to place netting over it to stop the children falling in. However, the netting she placed over the pond, against my advice and knowledge at the time, was some loose netting she’d picked up in Asda. It wasn’t suitable to keep a cat out of the pond or support the weight of a small bird, let alone protect a child from falling in.

Still she insisted that it was safer, until I pointed out how it gives way under the slightest weight, and once someone has fallen through it, all the netting does is to trap them in the water so that they can’t get out.

Now I’m not saying that having some form of mesh on your garden pond isn’t a good idea, but when you do decide to use it, make sure that it’s fit for the purpose. A visual example to your now ex-wife of what would happen should a child fall through the netting isn’t the best way to get your point across.

Clive Bellmore

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Children can have a huge impact on your divorce settlement in terms of how much you would have to pay out, or how much you would receive if you’re the mother.

Typically assets in a divorce are split 50/50 between the husband and the wife, including the matrimonial home, and also assets that you owned before you were married. This seems harsh, especially when you consider that presents you may have received when you were 17 can be claimed by your ex.

However, when there are children involved things get much worse as the parent with care can claim up to 65% of the assets because of the children. This figure is of course negotiable, but a court could well decide in favour of the parent to be caring for the children.

So, if you look like you might be heading for divorce, and you have children, consider the implications of how much it could cost.

Clive Bellmore

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If you thought your ex-wife was a bit of a bitch, Marie Douglas-David will leave her cold. The Swedish wife of George David, former CEO of United Technologies Corp, wants $100 million in her divorce settlement, claiming that the paltry $38 million she has been offered isn’t enough to live on.

Quite right, who could struggle by on $38 million?

It’s hard to see what the young Swedish woman saw in the sixty-seven-year-old millionaire, maybe he was just full of life and wit?

According to reports, she is demanding that her soon to be ex-husband pays her $53,000 per week for living expenses. David has a fortune estimated to be around $329 million. Marie Douglas-David is claiming that her old man husband used sex as a means to control her… right. Could that not be the other way round love?

Clive Bellmore

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